Six ways to support someone with a gambling problem

Supporting someone with a gambling problem means offering help without taking over their recovery. AJAG outlines the practical and emotional steps you can take, the boundaries that protect both of you, and the resources that exist for families and friends. You will leave knowing what helps, what makes things worse, and when to prioritise your own wellbeing.

Understanding what you can and cannot control

You cannot make someone stop. Recovery starts when the person acknowledges the problem and chooses to act. What you can control is your response: whether you lend money, how you talk about what you have noticed, and whether you protect yourself from financial harm.

Trying to monitor their account, confiscate cards or issue ultimatums often creates secrecy rather than honesty. The person may hide more, gamble in other ways or borrow from sources you do not know about. Your role is to make help easier to accept, not to enforce it.

Recognising the difference between helping and enabling

Helping means pointing someone towards counselling, sitting with them while they set up self-exclusion, or covering an urgent bill once when they ask for help to stop. Enabling means repeatedly clearing debts with no change in behaviour, lying to others on their behalf, or taking over all finances without their agreement.

The line is not always obvious. If your support allows the person to keep gambling without facing any consequences, you are enabling. If your support makes it easier for them to take the next step towards change, you are helping.

Starting the conversation calmly

Choose a time when neither of you is angry, upset or rushed. Describe what you have seen rather than labelling the person: missed bills, money borrowed and not returned, long hours on a phone or laptop, mood swings tied to wins and losses. Ask if they are worried too.

Expect defensiveness. Many people with a gambling problem feel shame and will deny it at first. Do not argue about whether it is a problem. Say what you have noticed, say you care, and leave the door open for them to come back to the conversation later.

If the person is not ready to talk, you can still let them know you are available without judgement when they are. One conversation rarely changes everything. You may need to raise it more than once, each time a little more directly. For guidance on phrasing, read how to talk to someone about their gambling.

Practical steps you can take together

When the person is ready to make changes, you can help them follow through. Doing these steps together makes them less overwhelming and harder to put off.

1. Sit with them while they register for GamStop. The process takes minutes and blocks access to sites licensed in Great Britain. Knowing someone is there while they do it can make the difference between intending to act and acting.
2. Help them install blocking software on shared devices. Gamban and BetBlocker work across phones, tablets and computers. If a child uses the same device, this protects them too.
3. Go with them to their first counselling session or support group meeting. The first time is often the hardest. You do not need to sit in the session, but getting them to the door removes one barrier.
4. Work through a budget together if they ask. List what must be paid and when, then look at what is left. Agree who holds cards or login details during early recovery if the person finds that helpful.

These steps work only if the person agrees to them. Forcing any of them will push them away. Offer once, explain why you think it would help, then let them decide.

Setting boundaries around money

Protecting your own finances is not selfish. If you share money, open a separate account for your income and essentials. Do not lend money you cannot afford to lose, and do not pay off debts more than once without seeing evidence of change.

Be clear about what you will and will not do. You might cover rent this month while the person arranges help, but not again if they gamble in the meantime. You might keep joint bills paid but not clear credit card debts. Say what the boundary is before the crisis, not during it.

Money given to someone who is still gambling often goes straight back into gambling. That does not mean the person does not care about you. It means the compulsion is stronger than their intention to stop. This is why boundaries matter: they protect you while the person works on recovery. If someone asks you for money and you suspect it is for gambling, see how to respond without enabling harm.

When to involve others in financial decisions

If debts are mounting, bills are missed or bailiffs are involved, suggest the person speaks to a free debt advice service. StepChange and Citizens Advice help people prioritise what to pay first and negotiate with creditors. You can go with them to the appointment if they want company.

Joint debts affect your credit record. If the person refuses to deal with shared debts, you may need to act on your own to protect yourself legally. This does not mean you have failed them.

Looking after your own wellbeing

Living with or caring about someone with a gambling problem takes a toll. You may feel anxious about money, angry at broken promises, or guilty for considering leaving. Those feelings do not make you a bad person. They make you someone dealing with a hard situation.

GamAnon runs support meetings for family and friends. Talking to others who understand what you are facing can reduce isolation. The meetings are free, confidential and available across the UK.

Set limits on how much time and energy you give to managing the other person's problem. You cannot recover for them, and trying to do so will exhaust you. Taking care of yourself is not abandonment. It is survival.

Recognising when professional help is essential

Some situations require more than you can provide alone. If the person is suicidal, threatening harm, or showing signs of severe mental distress, contact their GP or call emergency services. If they are still gambling heavily despite wanting to stop, counselling or residential treatment may be necessary. You can encourage them towards it, but you cannot force it.

Your own mental health matters too. If supporting them is affecting your sleep, work or relationships with others, speak to your GP or a counsellor. You are allowed to ask for help.

What to expect during recovery

Recovery is not a straight line. The person may stop for weeks, then gamble again. That does not mean they have failed or that your support was wasted. Setbacks are common. What matters is whether they return to trying after a slip.

Progress looks like honesty about urges before they act on them, willingness to attend counselling or meetings regularly, and gradual rebuilding of trust through actions, not just words. Small signs of accountability—letting you know where they are, showing you bank statements, asking for help when they feel tempted—are more reliable than big promises.

You will see changes in mood as the person adjusts to life without gambling. Boredom, irritability and restlessness are normal in the early weeks. They are not a reason to stop supporting the person, but they are a reason to remind yourself this is hard for both of you. For more on what drives the urge to gamble, read about the three types of triggers.

Where to find help for both of you

GamCare provides support for people affected by gambling and their families. The National Gambling Helpline is available on 0808 8020 133, free and open around the clock. You can call for yourself or for advice on supporting someone else. Visit gamcare.org.uk for live chat and email support.

BeGambleAware offers information on treatment services and self-help tools at begambleaware.org. Gordon Moody provides residential and online treatment programmes; see gordonmoody.org.uk for referral details.

GamAnon meetings for family and friends are listed at gamanon.org.uk. Attending a meeting does not mean the person you care about has to attend one themselves. You can get support whether or not they are ready to change.

Gambling support is for people aged 18+. If the person you are concerned about is under eighteen, contact a young person's service or speak to their school or GP for guidance on appropriate help.

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